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Making your Divorce just a little bit better. Lesson number 1

1 May 2017

Are you feeling a bit raw right now? If you’re reading this, and you’ve just started out on the divorce journey, you may well be in a pretty emotional and turbulent place. I certainly was, some 15 years ago, when – like you – I was facing up to the harsh reality of the Beginning of the End of my marriage. The pain will ease, in time. Just howpainful the journey is will depend, in large part, on you, your spouse and the mindsets you adopt right now.

You know, it doesn’t really matter whether you are the one who wants the divorce or you’re the reluctant party who feels abandoned – both situations have one thing in common, the marriage is ending. How you respond to this fact will determine the type of divorce and the type of future you will have. You can choose to be bitter, revengeful or helpless or you can negotiate your future from a position of strength, understanding and respect. It’s kind of down to you…….

CHOICES

At some point, you and your spouse will have to come to a number of agreements, for example with regard to children (if you have them) finance and property issues. What sort of agreement will you commit yourself to making? You have choices, please make them carefully.

You can make an agreement that either:

  • Protects your rights only or Respect your spouse’s rights too
  • Are only good for you or Are good for everyone
  • Give your spouse less or Give your spouse what is rightfully theirs
  • Do not inconvenience you or Work well for everyone
  • Need frequent court hearings to enforce or Need no court hearings to enforce

It is our experience that people who can approach their divorce with mutual respect for each other are more likely to have a positive divorce. If your emotions are raw and getting in the way, consider spending time with a counsellor or family consultant to deal with the anger / upset / fear you are feeling right now. If you need help finding someone in your locality, feel free to message me and I can pass you details of a local colleague. Do whatever it takes to help you to communicate with your spouse with a degree of civility that you may not feel they deserve right now. Trust me, the efforts you make now will pay massive positive dividends in the future.

If you decide to engage professional legal services, you can approach us here at DivorceHotel and we can help you move on to the next chapter of your lives efficiently, effectively and respectfully. If you don’t think DivorceHotel is suitable for you and decide instead to go down the more ‘traditional’ route please do yourselves a massive favour and ensure that you work with Collaborative Lawyers. More about them in Lesson 2.

Do you also have questions about structuring your Divorce Agreement? Feel free to contact me any time or register for the DivorceHotel free consultation!

David Leckie

DivorceHotel Mediator
+44 7889516853

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